The Gestalt of Polinious

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astrumsystema:

PSA:

  • fictionkin is a term that means exactly what it sounds like. Your kintype is from a fictional source.
  • fictive is a term for multiple systems (both disordered/DID and non-disordered systems)
  • fictivekin is not a word, do not use it. It is harmful to those of us who actually have fictives in our systems.

I’d like to go by this distinction. Even if the lines can get blurry.

Tl;dr
Hey do you(anyone) think there might be an identity spectrum of experience between a fictive and fictionkin? From a personal stand point, From a mental health perspective, From a spiritual perspective, Mental Health, Trauma and Dissociative disorders. What would the characteristic differences be? The similar sensory or reality perception? Etc etc.

-Lee, Idle Curious Thoughts and Questions

So I want to find a therapist that specializes in dissociative disorders, self-harm, and social anxiety. Maybe autism spectrum. However those seem to be rather rare and expensive, then I’ll have to find a personality I’m compatible with for therapy.

Whether or not I have cultivated resilience and mindfulness I still have to deal with a lot of symptoms that regularly disrupt my day and have contributed to job loss, self harm, difficulty in maintaining relationships, emotional imbalance, and financial trouble. It has not been absolutely debilitating but every time I fall down or a symptom becomes disruptive to life it seems worse.

Honestly I haven’t been all right since depression, defeatism, and a dissociative episode seemed to contribute to me lose my job. I was jobless for months and reliant on other people. Depending on others has been extremely difficult, I haven’t really relied on family for much. It was an issue not telling family what I needed as well as being emotionally unavailable.

I gave up meditation, saying that I didn’t want to deal with the possibility of having repressed memories appear. I did once, of having almost drowned. Then something else started to happen psychologically and I started to dislike and destroy practices of mindfulness. After that my progress started to decline even more steadily.

Now I’m fairly dismissive of any help. Skeptical and cynical of people who have good intentions and advice. While I might genuinely accept someone’s earnest care, I will not expect anything. I will wait until they take action on their own words, until then they are just really heartfelt words.

So there is an error in cognition, world view, and view of myself that I think I need help breaking apart from someone who professional knows safe and effective methods for it. Until then I will read my books.

-Lee

Poli-News: Blog Update

Adding and updating current links in the “Helpful Links” section of the blog’s main page. Feel free to browse for additional information and resources or to understand what kind of research and knowledge we have considered and analyzed. 

Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dissociation and Trauma Disorders

Dissociative identities exist in a third reality, an inner world that is visualized, heard, felt and experiences as real. This third reality is often characterized by trance logic. In trance logic, ideas and relationships of ideas about things in reality are not subject to the rules of normal logic. Because they are kept in separate compartments, contradictory beliefs and ideas can exist together; they do not have to make sense. In the way, the internal world contains many subjectivities that experiences themselves as separate people. There is a pseudodelusional sense of separateness and independence. Trance logic is characteristic of dreams and hypnosis.

- http://www.dissociative-identity-disorder.net/wiki/Inner_world

The Meaning and Functions of Specific Types of Parts of the Personality

"Parts of the personality have their own unique characteristics based on their functions within the person as a whole. Their characteristics, such as age, gender, emotional range, beliefs, and behaviors indicate what still needs to be integrated for the whole person. For example, a very young child part who calla for her mother likely holds longings for love and care that the person as a whole has found overwhelming, shameful, or otherwise unacceptable. Because parts of the personality are representations, they may take an infinite variety of forms, limited only by a person’s name experience and creativity. For example, a strong male part in a female individual protected her when she was vulnerable in a frightening situation, thus avoiding the realization that she was actually helpless. Another person described a part as a bird. That part could eventually be understood as a part that, in her imagination, tried to fly away and escape when experiences were overwhelming. Thus characteristics of a part are informative but are not the important focus of therapy, and they should not be taken literally. It is the /meaning/ and /function/ of what they represent that is essential for you (and your therapist) to understand.”

-

Coping with Trauma-Related dissociation pg29

Mixed feelings about all of this. I know for many people it has become an empowerment to accept their Others as completely whole other people what I thought was most intriguing about this paragraph was the ability for fictional characters and animals being described. - Lee

Note to self:

No more dating. Ever. They will have to end up knowing about everyone because it’s impossible to hide on that level of intimacy.

Possibility: life as a nun or monk

It would be nice to go to someone and say ‘it wasn’t me’, and then be able to actually talk about it. Talk about how I don’t agree with the person that spoke with my voice and his behind my face, maybe a little but that’s not how ‘I’ would have handled it. Talk about what I actually believe and feel, despite the other minor thoughts in my head.

To explain it as if I had friends speaking for me, as if I might see their point of view but not agree with their actions.

However that’s the heart breaking thing about my experience. Whether or not I just wasn’t myself, it was me. I have to take responsibility and deal with the consequences…

I feel insane. I try to joke about it or move on with good poise. In the end I believe I am who I was. A worthless, disgusting, cruel, or unsympathetic person. No true friends.

I should be isolated from the world but no one believes me. People are fooled into thinking that I am a nice, intelligent, worthy, ambitious, and talented individual. It goes towards nothing. It will be nothing.

-Lee, venting and recent thoughts.

Hah…

First time in a long time we have driven someone away, pushed buttons again and again until they cried.

Not past this apparently. It doesn’t come easy but once it does it is addictive, disconcerting, and screws with my self-esteem and trust in myself.

I’m not a good person. Most people in their lives transgress into being a monster they have feared to become.

Sure I could blame dissociation on this. Blame lack of control. Blame poor choices in self-care.

Blame blame blame.

There is better than this.

…what have I done?

http://poleenious.tumblr.com/post/92196781067/wow-i-really-didnt-expect-such-a-response-from

poleenious:

Wow, I really didn’t expect such a response from my last post. I put all of the tags on because I was hoping it might be helpful to some people.

I think it’s worth the disclaimer to just remind everyone that I’m a young adult on my own journey and not a professional. For your own sake please…

Oops, posted this on my personal sub-blog