The Gestalt of Polinious


“Please, be proud of the pieces that make you, you. Embrace the oddities and hold onto them with everything you have. These strange little quirks belong to us, and only us, and they are all absolutely vital in creating the bigger picture that is who we are. Be proud of yourself, because if you are, it never matters who else is. Because when you are, the inevitability of other people believing in you and being proud too, is such an amazing bonus to the strength you already possess.”
(via Tyler Knott) 


Please, be proud of the pieces that make you, you. Embrace the oddities and hold onto them with everything you have. These strange little quirks belong to us, and only us, and they are all absolutely vital in creating the bigger picture that is who we are. Be proud of yourself, because if you are, it never matters who else is. Because when you are, the inevitability of other people believing in you and being proud too, is such an amazing bonus to the strength you already possess.”

(via Tyler Knott

ANON: Do you have an inner world? Would you tell me about it?

Yeah we do. It’s pretty elaborate and I don’t expect anyone to believe it at all.

So far as we can tell from talking to each other, it seems like we live in a space ship floating in a void. It’s got a main computer that controls the virtual reality within it. At first I just thought that my world was some other dimension. I live in the forest. It’s pretty big, and there’s a mountain range at the edge that I build my house in. It was weird, there were dinosaurs and a few odd creatures in this world. Guess that’s weird compared to the outside world, but whatever. We had two Tyranosaurus guardians. Big dragon looking folk.

Just the forest, the mountain range, and a desert off at the edge of the forest.

Guess other people in the system have been living other places, and it makes enough sense because we have these doors that appear out of no where and lead to other places. As far as we’ve been able to figure out with the people that help to maintain the spaceship, the ‘technicians’ so to speak, these doors are part of the system in the spaceship that allow people to travel between different floors of the place. There are other ways to get to them, but the randomly appear doors is the main way.

So there are some other places in our world such as the ‘control room’ which is where the computer and the system for the entire ship is… The ‘hotel’ where a lot of people sleep and stay and ‘the forest’ where I live. I figure there might be a few others but I don’t bother to go exploring much myself. A lot of the people in the system come and talk to me about it.

Feel free to ask more questions if you want.

Dear Anon, This is Ryan and we got some shit to talk about. You wanna get personal with this, hope you see this shit tonight. 9/16/14 1:48am EST. Send me a fucking message through text, bitch.

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Alrighty, Anon is getting shut off for the time being. 

There is a lot of personal information on this blog, I take responsibility for sharing that information. Some people might very easily find the weaknesses in a personality and take advantage of them. This isn’t right, it isn’t kind. To set another human being backwards in their progress is a damage to the attack as much as it is to that individual receiving the abuse. This is not something I will stand for and therefor I will make it less likely to receive said abuse. 

Those whom are willing to say something nice have nothing to hide from. We answer most asks privately. So there is nothing we are losing in shutting down anon. 

I know many people who would have a reason to personally attack me and to say very cruel and personal things. Some of whom might not be aware that they are doing such. In this circumstance this is something that I acknowledge and will simply leave it at that. Someone is hurting enough to spread that hurt onto others. 

I will invite no more. 

Have a blessed day. 

Lee of Polinius

theindivisibles said: vulcan mind meld is not on our menu either but nobody external has ever really challenged that.

I just have to say that I genuinely laughed at the Star Trek reference. That is beautiful. 
Honestly quite a lot of external people have challenged that whenever it’s come to light and they start to do their own research on the concept of multiple people in one body and whatnot. -shrug- It’s the go to “problem? - Solution!” that seems to exist, I guess. It hasn’t been terrible yet, but still can be threatening in small ways. Especially because I feel like we’ve been doing so well to get along with each other and improve things. 

How do I talk to someone about their comments to encourage us to be whole?

They mean it well, I know they do. They mean it from their conceptions of what research they have done for DID even though I have told them repeatedly that they can’t assume that I have DID because I have never been diagnosed. Even if they find interesting research on developmental patterns that cause me to stare in surprise at how accurately it sums up some of my personal development. I don’t think it’s fare to me, to us, or to our process of healing whatever is going on.

These comments of wholeness I think also add pressure and can diminish what we’re currently trying to achieve at just being able to get along with each other and understand each other better. It takes so much work from the inside that I really don’t want to deal with the external pressure. My concept of reality is already very shaky and my sense of self-identity has always been forfeited over to other people in external reality. Believing that what other people think, say, or do is more real than what I think, say, or do. I’m trying to learn stability and a sense of security in my self in order to have a better locus of control and a better relationship with reality and my life.

A better relationship with myself and everyone who’s part of that.

How do I talk to them about this?

flyingthrougharabbithole said:That is. It’s probably hyperbole but still can feel uncomfortable. You ok? -Morgan

Morgan, thank you for asking.. I’m okay. I felt.. really mixed up about it. While it was partially reassuring because part of me wants to be a whole and complete host, questing for some semblance of normalcy… I have done a lot of work to accept myself as I am, and to accept ‘us’. We are getting along so much better. The person that said this, as well, are one of the few people we feel more accepted by. So there was a pang that we might not be as accepted as we thought. That this person doesn’t understand what we’ve come to understand: We have always been ‘us’, whether or not it’s apparent. 


poisonand said: Oh god, oh god, I hate this shit.

I hope you’re okay, darling. I didn’t mean to upset anyone by sharing this, just sharing my experiences. Depending on who it comes from I really don’t appreciate it. Ultimately I try to understand why someone’s thinking that way, and then test to see if they really understand who I am and what WE go through. 

Today is Therapy day and I’m definitely stalling. Right now I should be enjoying my breakfast and coffee and then getting dressed to catch the bus. Instead I’m delving through the internet faster and more thoroughly than I have in a while. Last night I had trouble falling asleep, some of the kids ended up cofronting and playing with our Partner instead of going to sleep. 

It was interesting, I heard him tell the kids that they didn’t want to go to sleep and that I didn’t want to go to sleep because we were worried about today. I think part of that was true. I don’t know how I feel about that. I definitely have trouble sleeping the day before therapy and often times have gone to therapy after staying up the entire night. 

Tonight is also the group therapy. I joined to have someone to talk to about the things in my head. Maybe someone who can relate or understand the impact. My struggle is that they ask for everyone to share their diagnoses. I struggle with things I haven’t been diagnosed with. Although having trauma and PTSD acknowledged does help lend to the credibility I guess… although I think it’s completely screwed that my experiences have to be ‘credible’ in order to feel like I can talk about them and receive proper respect and understanding.

"Around me you don’t need to be 10 different people just to get through the day."

What an interesting comment. 


Interested to know what the rest of you multiples/alters think about this!




"DID is not caused by a physical or chemical deficiency in the brain. Thus, it is neither a true medical nor mental illness. Instead, DID is a trauma-induced condition defensively activated by a psychologically overwhelmed child.”
Tom & Diane Hawkins, DID: Recognizing and Restoring the Severely Abused

On one hand, I still want to be treated with the same level of validation and care as anyone else with any other kind of mental or physical disorder. On the other hand, the intention of the author (in context of the book) is to draw attention to just how ingenious & intricate this coping mechanism is and how it’s more than just an infirmity. (Love this book so far, by the way).

it’s been shown that trauma literally changes the chemistry of the brain long-term. likewise, even seemingly “organic” mental illnesses like schizophrenia and bipolar are now being recognized as being influenced by environmental causes like trauma. basically, while i recognize that a main goal of DID education is “it’s a coping mechanism”, it seems like a weird divide to me.

(but then again, we’re not DID or traumagenic, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.)

- Ace

There is loads of interplay between ‘nature’ and ‘nurture’ - for example have a look at epigenetics and research in that area.